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Vaginas are amazing creations, but there are some things that should not be put inside one. Brace yourself for some clenching.
Unless you are playing with a specifically made glass dildo, never put glass objects in your vagina. There is always the danger it will break and lacerate your internals. Blood supply in the vagina is high, so even the smallest nick will bleed copiously, and because it's a damp area it will take a while to heal up - stinging every time you go for a pee and making sex a misery.
Pepper, curry powder, Alka-Seltzer, popping candy or effervescent aspirin should remain firmly outside the vagina. The thought of tingling and fizzy sensations may appeal but in reality it will hurt.
If it's a one night stand or casual sex don't put an undressed penis in your vagina or mouth. By all means cover the penis in a condom first and then get on with your fun, but an unclad penis has the potential to spread STIs such as chlamydia or syphilis. Always protect yourself by using a condom.
Bananas, courgettes, cucumber are all phallic shapes. Tempted? If you must, pop the phallic fruit inside a condom first. Although nothing will grow in your vaginal passage, broken pieces of fruit or vegetable will rot and cause an infection. Best give it a miss.
Vaginal washing isn't necessary; she's self-cleaning and does the hard work already. Douches tend to flush out all bacteria, including the stuff that's needed for a healthy vagina.
Conversely, cleaning douches may actually cause an infection by unbalancing the natural set-up. Your vulva can be washed with a mild soap or with plain water, but there is no need to wash inside the vagina, even during a period.
A&E doctors report a rise in mobile phone removal from sexual areas, including the anus. Don't put a phone in your vagina. OK, so it vibrates, but that doesn't means it's a sex toy. Mobile phones are electronic devices with live batteries, so it could be dangerous.
At the very least your phone may stop working due to the damp environment. Imagine explaining that one to Apple Geniuses.
Whilst fun in the bedroom, whipped cream, chocolate sauce and other lickable foods are not supposed to go inside the vagina. They are not vagina-pleasers and are likely to cause an infection. Also, if it sets off an allergic reaction it's going to be hard to remove without further irritating your lady parts.
If the alcohol is strong it may burn your internals. You won't become drunk and nor will it produce a good sensation. The alcohol will upset your vaginal PH and likely create a thrush infection, if not a bacterial one.
A new product promoted in the 'natural' female-friendly world is the detoxing herbal tampon.
They contain perfumed herbs such as motherswell and angelica which may irritate the lining of the vaginal wall, disturbing all the bacteria (Yes, that bacteria again - it's important). It could even lead to toxic shock which can be fatal. Give this load of old balls a miss.
If you're reading this a bit too late, perhaps you've put something in your vagina and regret it, then go and see your doctor. They've seen it all before and will help get you sorted out. Whether it's an infection, a bad smell, damage or soreness, there are ways to mend your vagina.